alone

Today everyone is at church while I work. I am all alone. It's really quite wonderful. Well, until I took the opportunity to sneak into the bathroom for some reflection time without a 4-year-old asking me what I am doing, encouraging my progress and pushing me to hurry up so she can do the same thing "like mama." You never really feel so alone until you are stuck on the toilet with no toilet paper. I'm not sure I want to talk about it anymore.

The middle joint on my pointy finger is all swollen and sore/stiff today. I'm not sure, but I think this is arthritis. Luckily, I did save a little nettle for myself this year and steeped some in with my coffee. Hopefully it will start working soon.

 So, today is the official weekly cleaning day, in which I should only have to do a little light cleaning, then a vacuum and quick mop because my beautiful children have done all their chores to the best of their ability all week long. This is, in fact, the goal wish every week.

Every Monday, however,  they start the week rubbing their little chubby hands together, maniacally muahahahaha-ing as they drop a toy on the floor, drop their bread butter side down and then rub it around with their sock, let things explode in the microwave...Muahahahaha!!! I miss the toilet hole! Muahaha! I hide 30 bowls under my bed! Muahaha! I tell you I did the dishes, swept the floor and wiped off the stove BUT I LIED!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! By the time Friday arrives I start locking the doors and meeting people outside in the yard to avoid them seeing my disaster area.  No one ever shows up on Monday or Tuesdays.  They all like to wait until a Friday and then show up with no warning.  Without fail.

Because of this phenomena, Sunday loosely translates to:  National-run-and-hide-mom-lost-her-halo-while-scrubbing-the-toilet-day. A day where all my beloved children make a point to attend church in hopes that God will save them from the natural disaster their sweet mother has transformed into, and spend the day quietly locked in their rooms because they know, should they emerge, they will get a healthy walk-by-bitching about what is growing where as soon as they come within ear shot.

 So, I swept the floor...

 

Impressive right?  Most of it was under the edge of the cabinets.  Thank you Yaya and Noosie.  I think I found some salmonella growing...

I vacuumed the couch out for the second time this week, which is always comical, mostly because popcorn, crackers and potato chips always end up in there, yet it is against the law to eat on the couch...

I pulled the table cloth off to wash it and see oatmeal smeared and dried all over the table, UNDER the cloth.

I was on my hands and knees wiping the floor, because my mop is broken.  Broken by the boy in his moment of muahahaha!

I did all the dishes, including the ones hidden under the beds, the ones "soaking" all week, and the ones mysteriously shoved under the couch where no one would ever eat anyway...

I confront my spawn about this and I get shrugs, hanging of heads, I don't know who did that, I have no idea how the couch got full of food, what!?  Dishes under my bed?!  No MAMA!  I would never!!!!

I made 12 pizzas and put them in the freezer and then put a pot of chicken and wild rice soup on for supper.  Cleaned the bathroom, dumped the trashes, scrubbed the yellow spots from around the toilet...all the while, my kids were hiding, safe from the abuse that would certainly rain down on them should they show their little faces on a Sunday.

 As I'm wrapping it all up, Rebecca can't hold it any longer and has to emerge to pee.  Knock kneed, she stumbles down the stairs.   
"Mama.  I really HAVE to pee!"
"Okay, go then.  Flush and don't make a mess.  I am not above killing you right now."
....a warm pause....
"Mama...I was just wondering..."
"Yes?"
"Well, I was just wondering...I really want a turtle and I want to get a job or something..."
"Yes."
"Well mama, I was just wondering...do you think I can get an allowance?"
...
...

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!