This is the day...

Do you ever get overwhelmed with things to the point where you just don't want to talk about it?   I have these aspirations of having this wonderful blog filled with things and ideas and me, but whenever I try to allow myself to be me so I have something to talk about, something stupid happens and I just don't feel like it.  It's depression I suppose.  The winter has been too long and the antidepressants aren't cutting it anymore.  I slept most of the day away.  Emma told me to wake up.  When I get into these moods I almost turn into stone.  I take care of the kids and they are my only priority.  Curtis seems more clingy and I am more irritated.  Every time I try to pull myself away, something goes wrong.  I know Curtis hates the idea of me going to the cabin alone.  He is threatened by my honesty that I just need to get out and life off my own resources for a while. Not sure why he is so upset over it all, because it would give me time away to think about and remember why I love him in the first place.  It would give me longer than 24 hours to reflect without some drama to set me back to where I was before.  As it is, I stand up, clean, cook something nice, try to be constructive and someone walks behind me to eat, track up and ruin everything I had just done.  Sitting and enjoying some time in front of the TV is interrupted by customers, curt demanding unreasonable quiet from the kids while he focuses all of his own energy on the TV,  and the phone.  Since all we ever do is argue, I would assume he would welcome the quiet himself.

So, Today I am trying to unfunk yet again.   I took out my tackle box and washed it as best I could -it's soft sided and was down in the basement.  My basement = wet and mold.   I hunted up and subsequently found my fishing pole, but was unhappy last year with the fact that it was a break-apart.  I love the fact that it is pink, I have an open face reel on it that lights up when you reel it.  it is the girliest and most fun pole around, but it seemed like whenever I would randomly want to grab it out of the car for a quick cast on a river, it was 30 minutes of untangling and screwing around.  This year, I decided on a telescopic pole.  Ahh yes, I could have gotten just any old telescoping pole, but I wanted a pink one that would easily take my fun reel and allow me to have my cake and eat it too.  I found a pink one in the UK, but then there was a green one.  I love pink, but I LOVE green...okay so I'm getting a froggy green telescopic pole that will harbor my pink LED flashing spinner reel. Since I have a pink tackle box with a big black mark on the front that refuses to go anywhere, I thought I could sew something froggy green over the black spot, like a patch, and it would bring the look together.  Because the look is ever so important when fishing for supper.  Oh yes, it is.

I went through all my tackle boxes and got everything back into their correct holes.  I replaced supplies that had been used, added in a flint striker and a battery, a nicer utility knife and a small pair of folding scissors.  I still need a bottle of bug spray and sunscreen and I think I would like to get one of those plastic badge holders that clip to stuff.  I think it would be pretty slick to have one of those hanging off of the tackle box with my fishing license all zipped up inside and handy.  I'm horrible about never carrying around a purse, but always have my tackle box in the summer.  Go figure.

So, after I got my fishing gear all beautiful and organized, I decided that I wanted to have a utility belt and digging stick for foraging this summer.  I ended up finding a 5-in-1 shovel, axe, digging stick situation that folds up small and can hang from my belt.  I went with the more expensive of the two I had decided on, because the cheaper one looked flimsy.  I want to dig up stuff, including burdock roots, which are hard with a full size shovel.  It hangs from my belt:

I still would like to find a nice pair of rugged scissors in a case that I can hang from my belt as well.  and I still need a pouch of some kind, to keep bags in for foraging.  I suppose a fanny-pack situation would work for the bags and the shovel and knives can hang from the belt part...I won't really know for sure until I get in the woods and can get a feel for what i wish I had, what I'm glad I do have, and what I want to adjust. I may have all I need with a knife and my new shovel.

All in all, it was nice to at least look at my outside stuff and think about how nice its going to be when I can just jump in the car and go.  To sit in the sun  and just relax...ahhh. I just can't wait.  Come on summer.  I need you here.