Heading to the cabin...

So, I am heading to the cabin this week.

A lot of reasons for going.  I'm tired of the stress of the business, the mess in my yard, fighting about money.  I need to take a stand here.  I am so tired of never quite making it.  I have split all the bills down the middle.  I pay my half, Curt pays his.  If he decides not to pay his and it gets shut off, not my problem.  Also, I am not going to lose the cabin.  If I want it, I need to buy it right now.  I start making the payments next month.  If I make the payments, I'm staying there and using it.  I'm tired of my future hanging in the balance of whoever can come up with the most money the fastest.  I'm not losing this.  Its the only happy memory I have left.

Curtis and I love each other very much, but I have found that we coexist in this strained friendship anymore.  I am hoping the time apart can rekindle something.  Maybe he will grow up a little bit, Maybe I can learn some patience, maybe he will learn to be more responsible with his money if I'm not right there.  Maybe he will see that its not "just getting a burger at the bar" when there are bills to pay, even if its 20 bucks, its 20 bucks towards the lights.  Every little bit helps.  Stop wasting it.  Don't be afraid to put it away, go without, cook for yourself, stop making excuses.  I need to escape and take control of my own life with or without him.  I'm tired of talking and not getting anywhere.

Lastly, Hayward is an artists town.  I think I can sell some of my stuff there in real time.  I have a meeting set up with the owner of Sophie's about some of my hats.  If not with her, someone else.  There are lots of consignment shops in Hayward.

The phone and internet gets installed on Friday.  The generator is running and back on deck.  Now I'm just making a list of the things I need:  water, food, clothes, sheets, living essentials.  The kids are coming with me and will school  right there in the cabin too.  I can come home on the weekends to wash clothes and refresh supplies, visit, snuggle, observe.

I have a pretty strict budget and reasonable goals set for myself as far as earnings go.  Both will allow me to pay all my cabin bills as well as half of the home bills with a little to put away and gas money for the truck.  Any craft sales I make or bonuses over and above gets put away for taxes and any other surprises that might pop up.  I can do this.  I just need to follow my own rules, stick to my guns and not allow myself to be guilted into my old pattern of doing things.

Yaya's birthday is this month.  11 years old.  First birthday at the cabin.