Blind people must have really clean houses

Not a ton of work tonight, so I am spending a little time with my blog.

First of all, I love my new shift.  Working nights in a house full of people is like suddenly waking up after an apocalypse   Everything is still.  No babies forcing pretend food in your mouth, no fighting, no nagging on the home schoolers to stop fighting and get their work done.  No customers, no phone calls.   As much as I love my little family, this quiet time is the shit.  I can't believe the work that I get done with a whole day ahead of me just waiting to be utilized or wasted as I see fit.  I wake up at midnight and I am actually pretty disappointed when I see someone still awake during my time.  I suppose if it was really an apocalypse I wouldn't be as thrilled, but I'm pulling analogies out of my ass at  3:00 in the morning.  They are bound to be a little wonky.

Round about the week of the 11th, I went to the grocery store and beefed up on supplies.  One of the most important items in my card during a beefing is coffee.  I bought this really great dark, rich, skunky Caribou brand coffee called Lacuna.  I had been cutting costs lately and had tried to do this by buying only 1 pound of great, expensive coffee  and then mixing it in with a 5-pound can of cheaper coffee in hopes that I could still get a decent flavor without having to spend 10.00 a week on coffee.  First of all,  there is a huge difference in cheap-o coffee.  I suppose, alot like wine, there are a few that are decent without being overly expensive.  Folgers is a big fat bitter no.  I'm pretty positive that stuff sits in a warehouse roasted and ground for a year before ever being packed  for sale.  There are no oils left, dry as a bone and tastes like...well if you've ever swallowed rotten orange juice with dirt in it...

Cafe Bustelo.  What the hell?  Ew. I got a free sample of that.  I think they scraped it off the tires of a smuggle truck.
Maxwell house.  Much like Folgers, only I don't think they roast it as long before grinding it and mixing it with dirt. It's less bitter.
Aldi Beaumont is not bad.  I mean, its much better than the others and even cheaper price wise.  Overall, it was my mixing coffee of choice during the lean times.

That being said, I wanted a treat of straight up decent coffee for a change and splurged on uncut Lacuna. I came home and put away groceries, and after getting them all put away, I decided I needed a reward and went to brew a pot of the hard stuff.  It wasn't long before I realized my coffee was missing.  

I'm not going to lie.  I panicked a little.  I mean, you know when you really, really are looking forward to something that is going to make you feel really, really good and relaxed and cozy and happy to be alive and then it just ins't happening for you?  Like when your 8-1/2 months pregnant and the doctor dangles the idea of induction in front of your nose, but then changes his mind?   Yeah...like that.

So, I searched to no avail, checked my receipt--yep, there it is--the coffee...called the store, "Did someone find some coffee laying around somewhere?  No? "  Yeah, like I would ever find free awesome coffee in a cart and turn that in either...pft.

A friend of mine gets a grocery delivery once a month from the local church.  he and his wife are elderly and often will not use most of what they get in their delivery.  Often times, he brings me his box to use.  This time, here were potatoes  some onions, a squash, mac and cheese, a bag of M&M's, some water chestnuts and OOOOO...Starbucks!!!!  I'm telling you folks, it was Christmas up in here.

The other day I was digging through the fruit drawer for some grapes for the kids to go with their lunches.  I noticed there was a shopping bag tucked in behind the eggplant and a little to the right of the eggs.  Inside was my lost coffee.  This month is AWESOME.  

Tonight then, after I finally shuffled my husband off to bed, reassuring him that his shows on Netflix will still be there in the morning, I shut off all the lights and immersed myself in the post-apocalyptic silence that ensues for the next 6 hours, but not before making a fresh pot of Joe.  I hear the peculator stop groaning and the quiet "click" as the ready light came on.  Excited, I grab my honey-badgers-don't-give-a-shit-mug and shuffle into the darkness in the general direction of that little orange light.

As a side note, I'm pretty sure my light to follow after I die that will lead me to heaven, will be peculator-ready orange.  

On my way, I stepped on a Littlest Pet Shop turtle, tripped over the dog (he's black and tends to blend),  managed to jam the back of a dining-room chair under my ribs and careen headlong into the rolling island.  This brings to mind the title of my post.  Blind people must have really clean houses.  On the way back, it was all a little less dramatic, partially because my office light was leading the way, and partially because spilling the coffee I worked so hard to procure is sacrilegious   I did manage, though, to stumble over what felt like a Barbie holding a basket of legos in a garden filled with cacti, guarded by porcupines, and accidentally touched the cat's tail while trying to steady myself and save my coffee.  My cat hates her tail touched and I was reminded of this when I heard her reprimanding  MOWWWWWW and felt her teeth gently wrap around my hand  as a friendly reminder of her no-ass-touching rule.

The relative safety of my office chair is somewhat of an oasis right now.  Sadly, I'm almost out of coffee.