You are what make this town charming. That old guy that drives up to the grocery store every morning so the owner can come out and tie his shoes? Yeah, I love that guy. Those Rosen Ladies that never wear shoes and run around town in their nighties? Yeah, WE are adorable. But, when the crazy gets mean and a little scary for me and my children I have to call you all down. It's just been a little crazy party lately and I think its time we all sat down and touched the earth for a minute. We are slipping from charming crazy to I'm-going-to-have-to-bust-your
-ass-if-you-don't-chill-the-he
ll-out-crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
~ The management
So there is this paranoid lady down the street. She is a little different, has been for as long as I've been here. She has little girls that never get to go outside. They have bikes and scooters, but are only allowed to go on the sidewalk and ride 30 feet in each direction. They don't go to people's houses or play with other kids. Rumor has it that the mom lost a little one in a car accident, which fosters her over-protective behavior with her other girls...
So, across the street there is an empty convenience store and behind it a auto repair shop. Daily, we cut across between the buildings to see my mom, cutting off almost blocks of walking distance. Overnight, the owner of the empty convenience store put up fence posts and rope to discourage our cutting across.
My son, Lucas, was unaware of this ropage and clotheslines himself off his bike while crossing over to moms. He accidentally tipped over a fence post. He was across the street from paranoid lady's house. He was fine, not that she asked).
She was screaming out of her window at him that he had to fix it, but when he tried to explain he needed a hammer, she wouldn't let him leave the post to get one. Finally, after Sitting in the dirt, trying to dig a hole with his fingernail and propping the post up with rocks, he was able to come home and tell me what happened and get a hammer.
I grabbed a hammer and proceeded to walk down to the post, but not before I stopped and had a talk. This is the same woman who yelled "Stop looking in my f***ing windows!* when Yaya (my middle daughter) pointed at some gladiolas she had growing near the driveway. She was pointing out that they were her grandpa's favorite flowers. I, of course, brought this instance up too, and while I was at it, told her, she had nothing in her windows any of my us would care to look at.
I also brought up the day we were all walking down the sidewalk and happened to be crossing her driveway when she wanted to turn in. She had to wait 3 seconds for Emma (4 years old) to decide where she was going to go. Again, obscenities and yelling because my family was walking down the public sidewalk.
I never said a word until now and seriously, I was irritated that she assumes my kids are so thoughtless and irresponsible as to break something and leave it. They all know I would bust their ass and told her so. I also told her that not every kid is bad. Some of us are aware that after we are done with them, the rest of the world needs to deal with them. I have no use for a pissy, bratty adult. I sent one into the world pissy and bratty and vowed to do better with the last 3.
I have also dealt with her children, who are brats and treat people like their mother, so I don't even have to tell you who wins the mom award right now.
So, I have went on my happy way for a long time. She loves drama evidently and so, I stood at her door with a big damn hammer in my hand and gave her drama. I'm willing to bet she won't be screaming at any kids for a long time. She slammed her door in my face. I said what I needed to say, so I left completely satisfied.
The post was fixed, the rope restrung and so we went home. I may or may not have said something to the effect of people minding their own business really loud as we walked by her house...I know she was watching me through the window. I really wanted to flash my boobs.
So, you see, people can be reasoned with, or, in my case, sometimes they just need to be reminded that no one walked up and shoved a silver spoon up their ass and crowned them king/queen of the world. It obviously helps if you happen to be carrying a big hammer when you do it.
I won.
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