Today we kind of went with the flow. Since my cousin disaster, I have been avoiding the festivities of the weekend, thus avoiding another emotional run in with him. I figured I would be unable to get the infamous Jenny P to visit with me without him sniffing behind, so I thought it best to just skip the whole works. Today though, I was fooled into thinking that she would be at Mary Jo's all alone and I would be able to visit unhindered.
As he came up the driveway he stared at me the whole time he parked his car. As he got out I said, "What are you doing driving that POS Ford on this nice gravel driveway?"
I got no answer and he sat down and said hi to Curt, who coldly answered. Curt can't be rude even when he's mad. Sometimes I would love to see him Incredible Hulking in my honor, but I love him for his endearing sweetness. Anyway, I made my snide remark and was bound to ignore him. He knew I was not happy. I was thinking I would get an apology, but I didn't even get that much. What a punk.
Jenny, on the other hand, is a very sweet lady much like her Aunty Mary Jo and I had a nice time with the both of them. I was sad when we had to go before I could say goodbye, but Jenny was riding with her son on a 4 wheeler and Curt had an appointment with a customer. I still feel badly for leaving so quickly. Gah.
I was taken aside by Mary Jo at one point after Donny drove off alone to get high. She asked me if all the stories that Donny had been telling everyone all weekend about his dad beating on him and abusing him were true. I told her that I couldn't say. That I knew that dad was much harder on us when he was drinking than after my sisters left and he had stopped. I could only assume that Donny's dad was similar and yes, it was a hard time growing up for all of them--worse than me I am reminded constantly, but I also know all of our situations, were not as bad as some and all of us grew up forgiving and willing to let the past go. I admit it can be cleansing to talk about your past. If nothing else, to just get it out there so someone else can carry the load a little bit, but Donny takes it to the extreme in all aspects, almost like the thrives on the attention. It comes into discussion constantly with him and he uses his past as an excuse to behave like a dill hole instead of trying to get himself some help, or allow himself to let go. It seems he likes to wallow in his self pity and I have been told by my sister that he was a spoiled rotten brat. Maybe he makes it all up? I don't know.
I do know that he is thriving on his own self pity. His priorities are way out of whack and he is using his issues as an excuse to be inexcusable. When I did not get an apology today, I could tell that he just expected me to assume it was because he was so abused, blah, blah, blah. Thats how he is, he cant help it because he was abused...blah, blah.
A very, very close friend of mine was truly abused and beaten black and blue when she was little, missing school because of her beatings and going to the hospital. The police were involved more than once and there are documented pictures of the bruises. I only know her story because we lived together and had become very, very close. She is extremely kind to everyone, extremely quiet, forgiving and probably one of the best examples of a good person I have ever met. She tells no one about her life. She simply chose to put it behind her and move forward. She is someone I will always admire and wish I could be. She had it so much worse than myself and even my sisters. I was little and can only speculate, but if anyone has a reason to wallow once in a while, it would be her--yet she never has. Not even when she told me her story.
I think that Donny can only be helped when he wants to be helped. I think his pity party is as much of an addiction as drugs or alcohol, and like any other addict, he can only be helped when he wants to put in the effort. From what I can tell, he expects everyone else to change and he thinks he gets to stay the same, thus running in place and getting nowhere but deeper in a hole of self righteousness. The more people that foster his behavior, spoils him and makes excuses for him, the more he is going to continue his tantrums and fits. I refuse to be a foster mom and I refuse to stand for being abused for any reason even for a second. I'm a grown up now. I at least get to call some of the shots. One of my major calls is respect. I deserve it as much as the next person and I demand it. Since Donny isn't willing to offer it in passing, he can kiss my big toe.
I ground up some dried bee balm and made tea today. It was good. Not as good as coffee, but bypass friendly. It also works as a mild sedative, like chamomile and really was nice for helping me wash my day away. I feel okay, a little tired, but relaxed. They say that Bee Balm calms the bees. I think it calms the people too :)
More on that tomorrow when I document picking, drying and grinding for tea and maybe an example of how it can be used as a pot herb and eaten.
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