I hate wal mart and I really hate that I have to use wal mart.  I wish I was a gazillionaire so I could afford not to shop at wal mart, or maybe I need to shop more online.  Oh wait, what deals I get there are sucked up in postage to get it here.  Still gotta go to wal mart, still got to walk a mile  and a half for aspirin, still have to stand at 1 of 3 open tills out of 4,0000.  Get the fat old lady that says hi to check me out, just do it before my kids start college would ya!?  Wal mart bastards.

Speaking of bastards, I had to take Dean to the Orthopedic guy for a followup after his hardware incident.  I live 40 miles out of town.  We went to the ER on a Sunday.  They gave him enough antibiotics to last him until yesterday.  I had to bring him in today; therefore, I would bring him in, get antibiotics and wound dressing supplies (as is practical) on my way out.  I did not have gauze or neosporin this morning, so Dean got his wound dressed with Vaseline and toilet paper.  It was dressed.  It was clean.  It was friggin fine. Fine until the orthopsycho saw what I had did and you would have thought I had wiped my ass with the tp before applying it to the wound.  O. my. lord.
He said, and I quote "I cannot trust you to take good care of this wound.  Dressing your wound with toilet paper opens you up to all kinds of infection.  You could lose your leg or even die." 

WTF?  Seriously?  Listen asshole.  I had a hole in my leg that was 7 inches long, 3 inches wide and 4 inches deep.  I took care of it, packed it and kept it nice for 9 months while it healed with nary a speck of infection.  When I ran out of the gauze the hospital gave me, I used PAPER TOWEL.  When I ran out of saline water, I made my own from a recipe online, resterilized and USED THE OLD BOTTLE.  Because I used toilet paper, he wants my boy to go to the wound care place 3 times a week to have his leg dressed because I cant handle it.  I swear, I am going to install a tip up on my back like they use in ice fishing, only instead of the red flag going up when there is a fish, the flag will go up when I am royally pissed off.  That way the pisser offer has at least 3 minutes to run before I rip the skin from their ass.  Tell me I'm an idiot will ya!  I'm going to take Dean in to see my regular doctor, who is just as capable of keeping track of the status of Dean's not-that-friggin-bad owie as Mr. Overkill Woundcare Freak Ass, PHD, AND I don't have to be there at the butt crack of dawn in order for it to be done.  Holy shit!  That guy made me so mad.  Why are there certain classes of doctor that insist that the lay person could not hold a pencil without their expertise?  Seriously?  And why the hell is gauze so much more sterile than toilet paper or paper towel?  It comes in a box, you pull it out and slap it on.  Hellooooooo??  Rocket science! What really pissed me off is when he sent his nurse in and very loudly explained to her what I did for this poor, abused and neglected child.  Her "proper" wound dressing was a hunk of gauze soaked with...what?...VASELINE.  Seriously, she said Vaseline after I said WHAT? Vaseline with a hunk of friggin gauze slapped over it.  Exactly what I had on his wound, but instead of frilly overpriced cotton wad, I used toilet paper. OMG, GTH you (*&^^$#%*(_(*&!!!! pompous, tight-wad, holier-than-thou prick. Yep, nope, send in orders all day Dr. Overkill.  I ain't showin' up for your wound care nurse to pick the scab off and slap some Vaseline toilet paper on my kid's leg.  Nor will I show up to be verbally torn to pieces over clean, absorbent, toilet paper next Monday. 

Doctors like him remind me of the OBGYN I had to go see when I was pregnant with Emma.  She actually told me she had to make sure the facilities and the delivery tables were strong enough to hold me.  I spent 45 minutes with her crying because she was going on and on about how I need special care, that people my size can't have babies safely, that they wanted a epidural in place during labor whether I used it or not (which I would not have-they hurt like hell and the last time I had one, I couldn't pee for a week), then she had the anesthesiologist come up because I evidently am 60% body fat and I needed to be inspected to make sure they could get a tube down my throat WHEN things went wrong and I needed intubation. Rude?  Oh hell yes.  My regular doctor was going to deliver my babe--she was just red tape, so when I was done with the appointment and came home crying, My husband called my doctor and told him everything.  My doctor was furious and when I was in labor and everything was going great, He looked up from between my legs and told the nurse to call the OBGYN lady immediately and tell her that I am doing JUST FINE...heh...Dr S. Is my hero. Oddly, shortly after my baby was born, she left the clinic.  I always wondered if it was because of me...
I did manage to tell her that an 8$ lawn chair from K Mart can hold me.  If a $40,000.00 delivery table can't, they need to reassess where they get their tables.  They are seriously getting screwed there.

I know.  They are just trying to do their jobs, but why not work with your patients instead of telling them they are rotten and stupid?  I can go to school to be a doctor too you know.  Just because my priorities lie elsewhere and I hate puke, festering pussy things, puke, and puke does not mean I can't do exactly what any of them are doing.  That being said, why, WHY do some of them insist on being such assholes? Why don't they have to take a dealing-with-people class, psychology class, anger friggin management?  I was an art major and I took a psychology class and a constructive-something-dealing-with-the-public class because I am such a short-tempered crotchety thing.  Do doctors get to skip Bedside Manner class?  I'm still a firm believer that some doctors really honestly want to be there and help people and some just want the bucks. Psycho-Otho-spazzy-pants, PHD is in it for the bucks. Lord help him if he is in a car accident and I'm the first one on the scene with a roll of toilet paper and my own urine to save his life.